So over the weekend, I had a lot of annoyances. It has kept me in a perpetual state of aggravation, which is not the way I like to feel. Between ISP issues, and annoyance with my general boredom. I decided to reactivate my wow account and got in some play time on various toons while talking to old friends I hadn't spoken to in a while. Even got in some play time on the new instances, helped finish a 10-man nax run that went flawless. I was genuinely starting to have fun again. Things were starting to look up until I see GK log in.
GK is back to playing wow, and I was actually happy to see him back. So my joy was short lived the moment I said "Wow your back playing! How you been?". My gut told me not to, but my heart urged me to say "Hi" to my old friend. I do genuinely care about my friends, and I never liked having to kick GK from the raid. I considered him a friend after all, and the decision that I made was very hard on me not to mention those involved at the time.
Before I continue, I want to point out that this is not an attack on GK. Due to his comments, and misconceptions, I have decided to vent my frustration publicly. I'm hoping what I say will clarify things a bit, and hopefully in the off chance that he actually cares, or reads this, GK will come back into reality sometime. I know I should probably just let it all go, and take the high road, but this bothers me more than I like. So I need to get this all off my chest. I always wanted to keep GK's issues private, I did not want to cast him in a bad light, but with what he has said and discussions with others. I am bringing this out in the open. Based on what I have heard from others, some of us are still confused as to what transpired, so against my better judgement here it is.
So anyway, I said "Wow your back playing! How you been?". The first response I got was "The same as back when you kicked me from the raid". So I quickly find out that GK has some animosity regarding my removing him from the raid. His further comments makes things clear that no matter what I told him before, or even now, he believes only what his low self esteem tells him. He proceeds to tell me, that I lied to you all regarding him, why he left and that I told you all that he didn't want to talk to you. Flabbergasted, I stopped the conversation there. I was in the middle of a 10-man raid after all, and had enough of my own frustrations with other things, to continue what would inevitably be an argument that wouldn't change a thing anyway.
The more and more I have thought about it, the worse it's bothered me. I hate that part of me that does this. I spent the whole weekend thinking about it, and how annoying it is that he just won't see the truth. I lets start this from the beginning so there are no questions as to what has transpired over the last month or so of our Naxx.
A while back, behind the scenes, I had a discussion with Kira, Nykk, and GK regarding our attitudes. It seemed like for a while, we were getting really annoyed with each other, tempers were starting to flair, and we seemed to be flying off the handle about the dumbest shit. Myself included. The one being the most vocal was GK, though he wasn't at all the only one. So I sent out an email, asking all of us to cool off, and get our collective shit together. We did, we worked out our issues and things have since been great since. With the exception of GK. GK toned down but never really stopped. He complained, "I don't get drops", "you left me out of a run", "I never get to go", "kira gets all the drops", "I suck as a tank", "I'm not main tank anymore". blah blah blah. Things started to get worse with him, after we learned the fights in Nax, and switch things up for more dps and progression speed.
We all knew prot paladins sucked at dps, and because GK was a druid, he could switch to dps without a change in gear and do much better than I could. This was only to be a temporary thing as the new patch that was coming was introducing duel specs. So until then, we would learn the fights with GK as main tank, then once we learned it, I switched to tank on some fights, and we used his kitty for the extra boost in dps to burn the boss down faster. Once the patch came out, GK would tank everything, and I would switch to DPS when off-tank was not needed. Simple, easy, and teamwork oriented right? Not to GK, to him, he thought it was a way to move me to main tank, and prove he sucked at the job. It was always about him and us not wanting him, all in his mind.
As you all know there were public outbursts from him, snide comments about drops, and it got especially bad behind the scenes when GK and Nykk would try to work out strategies. I would try to help, but Nykk and GK read strategies like I read network engineering and software development manuals. They learn the stuff inside and out and can work our strengths to the best we can be, but to GK it kept grating on him that I was in the picture more and more as main tank. Never mind the fact that I never wanted to be main tank and never considered myself main tank over GK. If I did main tank it was because we already had the strats down, the bosses down and wanted to streamline things based on our strengths and weaknesses.
After weeks of dealing with it, and the last outburst on the Kel'thuzad fight, I decided it was time to have a serious talk to GK and try to get his low selfesteem or what ever his problem was in check. We were all struggling on Kel'thuzad, and we all needed a break from severe burnout anyway. We could come back from a week off refreshed and ready to go. Tuesday, I talked with Kira and Nykk, about telling GK to take an extended break, like a month or so to get himself straightened out. They advised not to and to see how things go during our weak long break. I agreed, we'll see how things go when we all get back into the swing of things.
The next day, Wednesday I believe, come to find out from Nykk, they are fighting again, this time more so than usual. All stemming from GK's problem the previous run and Nykk's seat of his pants idea to have GK try healing. Even Nykk admits it was a bad call that stemmed from frustration. As you all recall, I jumped in and offered to do the healing part, not my chosen job, but I do what I can to succeed as a team. I had officially had enough it was time for GK to take a break whether he liked it or not. So I proceed to right the following email.
"Gk, man we got to talk. We can either do this in email or vent it doesn’t matter. You probably know why. I was planning on telling you to take a month or so break yesterday, but was asked by Nykk and Kira to wait to see how things go after this weeks break. That doesn’t mean I won’t exercise my right as raid leader to do what’s best for the raid. I have talked and listened to the others and I’m going with their recommendation. We’re all friends, and I owe them and you that respect. You are my friend and if it was anyone else, I would have kicked them out for far less.
I don’t know if it’s your lack of sleep or what; but your negativity and this self serving martyr complex you’ve got going has to end as of now. I know as I type this, you’re going to react as if it’s yet another attack on you. It’s not. Because you’re my friend, I have been cutting you lots of slack and been asking you to stop with the negativity and now the nagging me, me, me, I, I, I crap, but you keep it up. Monday’s comment about leaving the raid was the last straw with me.
I know you have been fighting with Nykk, and it’s also got to stop. Don’t be pissed with him, because it’s my job to know about drama in our team. If Nykk is ever out of line, I talk to him about it. Just like I do with you. You keep bringing up baseless, claiming “logical”, facts in your arguments, and in fact they aren’t based reality as the rest of us. You’re not listening to what I’m saying and I’m sick of trying to drill it into your head. We are supposed to be a “team”, and some how you’ve got this notion there is an “I” in the word. Nykk made a mistake; I jumped up for the team, even if I didn’t have my gear with me, and healed. Because I am a team player it’s what we are supposed to do. Of course there is another problem, YOUR STILL SULKING ABOUT IT. Any time you are asked to do something else other than main tank, you make snide remarks; try to play them off as joking, when you’re true feelings about it are completely transparent. Not to mention the joke wore off the point you started sulking about it, to begin with. You made it quite clear to Nykk yesterday that what you and I have discussed made no impact on you what so ever.
I’m sounding quite harsh, unfortunately it’s needed. I’m your friend, and I want the GK back that I used to love hanging out with. Until that day comes, I’m going to be calling you on your actions. As I hope anyone else would do with me. If I’m screwing up, I want to know about it. Even if I am yourfriend, I still have to lead a raid. That raid is a team, and I expect everyone on that team to play as such. We all make sacrifices for the team, and your sacrifice has been doing dps where needed.
Now, with how you have been acting the past few months, you’re just not happy at all. I can’t help but wonder why you even play at all? You seem dead set on making everyone else feel miserable along with you and it’s not fair. The comments regarding your offset gear to Kira isn’t fair. It’s yourdamned offset gear; why do you have to throw guilt trips on Kira when after 3.1 lands you don’t have to worry about dps? I’ve personally told you that after 3.1 lands, you’ll be back to main tanking 90% of the bosses. I know you hate doing dps, which is why after 3.1 I’ll be doing that job. Obviously it’s still an issue; you have to bitch moan and complain about and remind us about it every chance you get. Get over it already! Take advantage of our week long break, spank your inner child, and get back to your old self.
The last thing I’m going to talk about here is your need to be at the top of everything you do in regards to everyone else. You may disagree but it’s there and you throw it in our faces every chance you get. When you aren’t at the top, you sulk, are pissy and take it out on others. When you’re not top dog main tank, you’re bitching, then, when you’re not tanking, your not top dps, your bitching. This isn’t a competition. You’re not competing with me for top tank spot, I’M NOT MAIN TANK. You’re certainly not competing for top dps spot as a tank. I’ve said from the beginning that main tank spot is yours. I don’t care if my gear is better or not. I want to be off tank/dps. I always have, unfortunately Blizzard seen to it that I couldn't do that. Luckily they fixed it in 3.1. Same goes for the dps spots in the raid, and I can’t help but think that’s the only reason you want to bring your DK so you can do both! Nevermind the fact that we all decided in the beginning to NOT TO BRING OTHER TOONS. Whether you like it or not, we ARE going to play with our strengths and put our weaknesses on the sidelines where possible. It’s called being a team, and from here on out if you want to keep running with us, you better start acting like a team player. Put your ego aside and let’s destroy these instances. Even if that means being asked to do something you don’t like. I have to do it, I accept it and so should you if we are to make this raid a success.
So please, I’m begging you, please take advantage of this week to get your head clear. Get yourpriorities worked out. I don’t want all this continuing when you get back. This email was extremely painful for me to write, and having to tell you to take an extended break after we all get back is not something I want to do. If when you get back, and your still unhappy, please tell me about it, stop playing the game, what ever it takes to get a happy GK again.
Grex"
So there, I laid it all out for him. I didn't like being that shitty with my friend but I had to.
Here was his response..
"You wanna know Why I've been pissy lately?
More than likely it's a sleep thing, it's been getting a lot worse lately, but I can't change that unless you kick me from the raid, and if you wanna do that, go right ahead, It's not my raid, it'syour and nykks and kira's. Other than that, I've been feeling more and more useless which each passing night. No one listens to a d@mn thing I ever say. NOONE ever apologizes and I get spoken over every single time I try to speak.
Quite honestly the MT spot should be yours whether you want it or not. You've proven to be a better tank and better for raid progression. I may not like it, but right now I could care less.
You're e-mail that you sent me is quite clear that nykk and you have been "Talking" about me for the last few days. Ok. His, feelings and your feelings are quite clear, and if this is how the rest of the group feels, make your decision as you see fit. I am not going to say one word either way.
Nykk made it clear to me yesterday that I should simply be quiet and do what I'm told. I will do that. you want me to be happy. So be it. If you would rather I be kicked from the raid, all the better for you guys. At least you guys can get progression without me Holding you back.
Do as you feel necessary grex.
Timothy MacKeen
CIT Service Desk"
So in other words, he can't fix things unless I kicked him out. He lays it all on me as to the reason he can't fix himself. He can't make a simple decision to take care of himself and his friendships on his own.
My final response to him
"I'm not kicking you from the raid, I will if it's necessary, but all I'm asking you to do is take a break, especially this week. If all the crap continues, I need you to take an extended break, maybe a month or two. Doesn't mean your out permanently, just long enough for you to get your head straight. Once that happens, then you have your spot back.
Again, your still not getting what I'm saying. Your not useless, and if you feel that way, it's you telling yourself that. We do need you and asking you to step out to get your head clear is a huge blow to our raid team. We do listen to you, and you don't make sense half the time. There is nothing for us to apologize for because we have done nothing wrong. Your also wrong about it being me, Kira, and Nykk's raid. It all of our raid. Right now, the only reason it's just the four of us talking about this is because the raid's moralle is on shaky ground right now. Squea has been stressed with the kids, Geeon's been sick, so I don't want to bother them right now. Only reason any of this is going on in the first place is because of your attitude and negativity all the time. If that wasn't the case, we wouldn't even be having these conversations.
If this is due to your lack or trouble sleeping, don't throw it on my shoulders to make a decision of what you need to get better. Only you can figure that out for yourself. I'm here to listen if you want to talk about it, and I'll give you my opinion but your decisions are yours and I'll stand by them. If yourthat addicted to the game and need me to kick you out so you can fix yourself, so be it, your out. I don't want to do it, but if it's going to make you healthy physically and mentally, so be it. I care to much for you to destroy our friendships, and your health over a d@mned game. It's not worth it. So as of right now, your out. Take the time you need to get yourself better. If you need to talk, I'm always here for ya, and I'll help any way I can. So please take care of yourself, get better, and come back when you feel your ready. The spots always yours and who ever fills in will know this. "
Since then, I have maintained that GK's leaving the raid was a personal matter, and that it was for him to focus on his health. Nothing seriously wrong, just taking a break to regain focus. Contrary to what others may have been told, I did not permanently kick GK out. I didn't want everyone to know why, and or make GK look bad in anyway.
After that I never told anyone that he didn't want to talk to or having anything do with them. I don't speak for other people and I certainly don't tell anyone who they can or can't talk to or be friends with. The most I got from him was a passed on message from Geeon, requesting that he be removed from all wow/raid related emails. The following was sent to us on Apr 15th.
"I received an email from GK this morning, he is getting over being sick this past weekend and wishes us well with our raids. he would like us to remove him from raid related emails. Below is a direct quote from him.
I would like to request that I not be forwarded on any matters relating
to wow, or the raid. I have no need to see this information."
So in order to keep from sending those automated emails to him. I had to remove him from the mailing list for this blog. Otherwise he would continue to get them.
Contrary to what others "may" have been told, we did not kick out GK just so we could bring in Goroxx. Goroxx knew going in to this that his position was temporary until GK got back.
So if there is anything out there, that any of you feel or have been told that I have been dishonest or lied about anything, for any reason. Please by all means please come and ask me. I will clear up any questions there may be. As for GK, I hate what happened with him, but from now on, I'm not going to be quiet regarding this any longer when someone is calling me a liar.
